Coming from a culture and I suppose a personality that makes me feel required to speak up, be in charge, take control, direct, instruct, know the answer, etc. I was both inspired, ministered to and convicted by the missionaries who serve here, and especially our speaker for this week's conference, Bryan Collins. It's apparent this man is well educated, experienced, wise, and in a position of leadership over not only staff, but a congregation of people in his vocation as a pastor. Yet his demeanor, approach, speech, delivery and everything about him exudes humility, gentleness, kindness. His responses to questions and comments from the group made everyone feel valued, respected and relevant. He didn't assert himself as the expert or proclaim his own accomplishments or accolades, he simply talked with us about his experiences and God's word. I cannot express what a picture of Christ this was to me tonight. I feel such conviction and even embarrassment at the way I have felt the need make my accomplishments, intelligence, or authority, etc. known. You know, the "I'm kind of a big deal" shpeel.
Jesus didn't do that, he did the opposite of that. Jesus was the ultimate "big deal". He lived a sinless life, fully experiencing pain, trials and temptations. He is God! He humbled Himself beyond our comprehension to come to us as a man. Thinking of humbling ourselves and becoming a cockroach isn't even a scale comparison, but it gets us a better perspective. Yet all He did was point to the Father, give Him all the glory, seek Him for guidance, submit to His direction and His will, and worship Him. He never boasted, introduced Himself by listing His attributes or accomplishments, never demanded respect. Please don't misunderstand me, Christ is the Son of God and said so. He displayed His power and was no soft spoken weakling - He was fully God. But what strikes me powerfully today seeing it walked out so well by leaders around me is His humility, His gentleness, His desire and love for us. He has no desire to embarrass, shame or humiliate - even when we act like a bratty child throwing a fit, ask supremely stupid questions (sometimes repeatedly), or have to be taught the same lesson over and over and over over because we're still not getting it. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Of course Jesus was humble, patient, selfless, gave all glory to God and modeled a perfect life. Duh. But I sat in awe tonight as I saw Collins' tender heart and genuine Christ-like love displayed by his humility and gentle, kind and affirming answers and responses to questions and comments. And I kept thinking, how do I introduce or talk about myself? How do I respond to questions, especially when I'm at work and busy? How do I present a topic? I have been so conditioned by this world and my own flesh that I actually believed that boasting about my accomplishments, asserting my authority, taking control of the situation, getting things done, responding shortly and not making time for people who ask silly questions or need to be told something repeatedly, etc. was efficient and admirable. I am ashamed to say I even worked to 'grow' in many of these areas.
I have once more seen Jesus tonight and found yet another facet of my life that needs to be surrendered to and transformed by Him. In Collins' sermon yesterday he said that our greatest act of freedom and worship is to submit to Christ our plans, our hopes and our dreams, knowing His way is best. Even if it means pain. Even if it means suffering. How radical to think about. Our greatest act of freedom is submission.
I hope you will reflect and search your heart as I do the same, asking: where have I drawn lines of division in my life? Where have I justified or given myself permission to be self promoting, prideful, condescending, or just downright lacking in grace, mercy and love? I already have a long list.
Much love to you all,
Amanda
